… if only IT was smaller …

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am trying to be good. I am trying to learn and do all the stuff that I have to. I try to get along with my siblings. Why am I not good enough to stop the worry that is everything you do now? I will try to get better marks and to help more at home. Please know that I love you and always will. Can you spend time with us like you used to? It is hard being a kid and not knowing what is happening and why my life changed.

Hugs from,

Me

… if only IT was smaller …

Work, more work, always piling on the work. Stagger home and drop it all on the floor. Each teacher has given me mountains of work to do. Online or in class, where am I going for school? Round and round the adults go talking in dizzying circles of ‘logic’ that end where they began and never find solutions. Now my teachers, parents, and I am stuck on a merry-go-round that I want off and for life to settle. In all my life, this has been the hardest to deal with. COVID 19 is the new monster in all our lives. Lame.

… if only IT was smaller …

On. Off. In. Out. Yes. No. Here or there and never sure if we are coming or going. Found? Lost? I am confused and no one has answers. Healthy. Sick. Healthy. Dead. So many lost and struggling not knowing if they will have a home or supper. Illness spreading faster than fast never stopping always going. Around the world, it flies and ignores borders choosing at random who is sick and who escapes. When will it end? How many will be lost? Can kids be kids? When will there be answers? When will adults stop total panic mode and chill?

… if only IT was smaller …

Hiding a secret, always trying to keep it from the world and those around me. Pushing it down, rarely letting it come up to the surface of daily life … covering it up with different techniques, some more successful than others. Knowing, in the back of my mind, that it will never go away only fester and grow larger eventually erupting violently. It is much bigger on the inside than what is seen looking in. This is the struggle of us that have hidden secrets of invisible illness and hurts. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Please be kind and gentle.

 

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